are you hotter than edward cullen?

Ok, so I know I’ve been on a bit of Twilight kick lately, but, as I was searching the Interwebs today for inspiration for a post, I came across an article on YourTango.com entitled “7 Book Characters Hotter Than Edward Cullen.” I have to admit that, despite being a literary nerd, I was not familiar with every character on Denise Ngo’s list (hence, I have added Far From the Maddening Crowd, The Picture of Dorian Gray and A Room With a View to my reading list.  Gotta keep up the lit nerd street cred.)  However, there are a few literary characters I can think of whom Ngo did not include on her list, either due to personal preference forgetfulness.  In any event, I now offer you “7 More Book Characters Hotter Than Edward Cullen, According to Kristen Scatton.”

7. Draco Malfoy (the Harry Potter series) – Or really, just about any of the guys from Harry Potter. Despite being a spoiled, arrogant, generally evil little shit, Malfoy has long been my personal preference, maybe because of the way he does scream “bad boy.” (Although I do have a soft spot for the Weasley twins, whom I also think would be great fun to date.) (R.I.P. Fred Weasley, btw.)

6. Tyler Durden (Fight Club) – First of all, this has nothing to do with Brad Pitt, so STFU. It’s Tyler’s confidence, craziness, and extensive knowledge of explosives that lands him at number 6 on this list.

5. Bru (Summer Sisters) – Ok, so as a glorified Harlequin novel, Judy Blume’s 1998 ode to female friendship pretty much had to have a sexy leading man. And maybe Bru wasn’t that desirable of a guy, in the end. But as a teenager, reading Blume’s rather, um, detailed descriptions of Bru awakened feelings in me that I had never felt before. (Why was I reading Summer Sisters at age 14? Where the hell were my parents?)

4. Sal Paradise/Jack Kerouac (On the Road) – Maybe it’s because I’m currently reading Big Sur, but tell me there isn’t something epically romantic about a young, free-spirited poet roaming across the country, sleeping under the stars and getting stoned. And honestly, before he drank himself to death – he was pretty decent:

3. Daniel Cleaver (Bridget Jones’s Diary) – Perhaps what made Bridget Jones so identifiable to so many women (and thus such an enormous success) was the fact that we all understand why she was head-over-heels for her boss, Daniel Cleaver.  He’s charming, cocky and witty with a devil-may-care attitude, and a British accent.  Who wouldn’t want to drop their panties for him?

2. Biff (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal) – While lesser-known than some of the other literary giants on this list, Biff is the one character on this list whom I actually wish I could date – funny and loyal, with a potty mouth and a heart of gold.  You just better make damn sure that his friends like you.

1. Rhett Butler (Gone With the Wind) – How can you have any definitive Hot Men of Literature list without Rhett?  He taught every other man on this list what it means to be a smooth, confident GQ motherfucker.  Even stubborn Scarlett O’Hara could only resist his charms for so long.

Ok, ladies and gentleman, now it’s your turn – tell me which literary characters get you hot and bothered!

fiddle-dee-dee

One of my favorite all-time books (and movies) is Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.  For those of you who are not familiar with the story, I will try to condense the 1,000+ pages into a few sentences.  Basically, you have Scarlett O’Hara, a beautiful, tempestuous, stubborn Southern belle, who loves Ashley Wilkes, a thoughtful, sensitive, refined (re: a bit of a pussy) Southern gentleman.  Ashley is attracted to Scarlett because she’s passionate and sexy and a little crazy, but he also loves and is married to his cousin Melanie (it’s the South in the 1860s, what do you want?).  Scarlett, of course, is none too happy about this, and so spends the majority of the book doing everything she can think of to lure Ashley away from Melanie, while she herself is pursued by a number of suitors, including the most persistent, Rhett Butler, who is the stereotypical (perhaps the original) bad boy with a soft heart.  Rhett is crazy about Scarlett, but, not wanting to get chewed up and spit out by her, spends most of his time being flirtatious and sweet one moment, and an asshole the next.  Scarlett’s so busy worrying about Ashley that she doesn’t know Rhett’s in love with her until it’s too late, but finally she realizes that Ashley really isn’t right for her, and then Rhett says  “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” and it’s over.  Oh yeah, and the Civil War happens in the midst of all this.

Anyway, the reason I bring up GWTW (as we hardcore fans call it) today is because I was thinking of a scene early on in the book when Ashley tells Scarlett he is marrying Melanie, after going on and on about how passionate and full of life Scarlett is.  In a fit of rage and disappointment, Scarlett delivers this verbal ass-kicking:

“Why don’t you say it, you coward? You’re afraid to marry me! You’d rather live with that stupid little fool who can’t open her mouth except to say “Yes” or “No” and raise a passel of mealy-mouthed brats just like her!”

Ok, so maybe the language is a bit antiquated, and really, for the full effect, you need to rent the DVD and watch Vivien Leigh spit out those lines full of piss and vinegar. My point is, any strong, passionate woman like Scarlett who has seen a man choose a weaker, more complacent and indifferent woman like Melanie, knows exactly how Scarlett feels at that moment.  Hell, they may have even wanted to say that same exact thing (or, at least something along those lines) when confronted with a man making a similar choice.

I thought of those lines of dialogue last night after talking to my friend Ang.  We were commiserating about how many times we’ve seen ourselves, and other strong, intense, self-assured females, passed over by guys in favor of, as Scarlett would say, those “stupid little fools who can’t open their mouths except to say “Yes” or “No,” and wondering what the logic behind it could be.  Because here’s the interesting thing – when asked, most men will tell you that they love strong women.  LOVE.  THEM.  Strength, intelligence, assertiveness, success – all of it is sexy, exactly what a guy looks for.  Check out this forum I found online if you want proof. Until, of course, a guy is deciding who he wants to date, or marry, and  then who does he choose? Of course – a quiet, meek, no-personality girl who is the human equivalent of a lapdog – she’ll come when you call her, and disappear when you send her away, never asking anything more than a rub on the belly and a meal on the table (so to speak).

So what is it?  Are men really intimidated by strong, successful women who are self-sufficient, who don’t need their hands held 24/7?  Does it make them feel emasculated and useless?  If so, men need to start looking a little deeper.  From my own personal experience, and that of my female friends, no matter how strong and independent we are, there is still a part of us that wants to be taken care of.  Maybe we bury it deep down beneath a layer of pride and self-sufficiency (because God forbid we appear too needy), but inside every woman is a girl who wants you to open the door for her, or take her hand as you’re walking down an icy sidewalk, or fix the lightbulb or cuddle her when she wakes up from a bad dream.  You just need to work a little bit to entice that girl out.  Of course, maybe it just stimulates the ego more to be with someone who wears their dependency on their sleeve.

My new theory that I’m working on, having observed this phenomenon for a number of years, is that some guys just don’t want to be bothered.  I mean, the path of least resistence is pretty tempting, right?  By dating a weaker, less challenging girl, guys get the best of both worlds – they get the sex, the companionship, the ego-boosting hero worship, without ever really having to give anything of themselves, emotionally, mentally, even physically, in return.  They can basically phone in the relationship, whereas, with a strong woman who is not afraid to demand something in return for what she is giving, they would actually have to show up.  I suppose this option is extra attractive to the guys who really don’t give a shit about their relationships, and want a girl who will be nice and easy to be unfaithful to.  If this is true of men – and I’m sure it is of some, if only a handful – well, then…shame on you all.  I mean, really, I’m pretty good at arguing both sides of the coin, but I really can’t find a single redeeming thing to say about that situation.  You don’t deserve a strong, intelligent, successful woman.  If you want sex, go to a prostitute.  If you want companionship, a warm house to come home to, and a home-cooked meal, go to your mother.  If you want a meaningful relationship, then come to me.

Or maybe it’s not the men at all.  Maybe it is us women.  Maybe we are a bunch of crazy, demanding, steely, unwielding, impossible-to-please bitches.  I can admit that it’s a possibility.  Surely strong women are not always the easiest people to love, but then again, isn’t anything worth having worth fighting for?  And I sure as hell wouldn’t want a man who wouldn’t fight for me.

Not surprisingly, since first reading Gone With the Wind at age sixteen, I’ve always identified much more with Scarlett – strong-willed, quick-tempered and passionate – than quiet, gentle, shy Melanie.  I’ve had more than my share of Ashleys and Rhetts, men who I want but can’t have but who continue to provoke and intrigue me.  All I can do is keep looking ahead, and not let it get me down for long.  After all, like Scarlett always said, “Tomorrow is another day.”