As some of you know, I am currently a grad student at Rosemont College, working on my MFA in Creative Writing. In one of my classes this semester, Surviving as a Writer (a paradox, I know), the big final project is a non-fiction book proposal. We don’t actually have to write the book, just come up with an idea and research it and write the proposal as if we were writing the book. We pitched our book ideas last week, and mine was about relationships, or, more specifically, how all of our modern communication tools - text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, online dating, etc. – have changed the dating game. I thought of this, not because datin is the only thing I think about (although I’m sure it seems that way sometimes), but because I have talked about this topic many, many times with friends, and I think, from an objective standpoint, it’s a fascinating subject. The digital revolution changed the way we work, learn, communicate, and, of course, date, but how? And is it a good or bad thing?
Anyway, so today I was working on Phase II of my project, which is to research the competition – what has already been published on this particular topic. While there apparently hasn’t been a whole lot published on how the digitial revolution revolutionized dating, at least as far as Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders indicated, there is a veritable SHIT-TON of books out there on the subject of dating. I mean, I know self-help books are a large chunk of the non-fiction publishing market, but I was still floored by the volume of written material out there about finding love, keeping love, getting over love, etc., etc. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man, woman, teenager, cougar, divorced, gay, Christian, African-American – there is a book out there to tell you how to get laid, get a date or get married. I’ll include some of the ones that particularly tickled my fancy at the end of this post.
The thing that was interesting to me was the realization that, if all these books are being published, then people must be buying them, which means there must be a lot of people out there who are fucked-up when it comes to relationships. Not that this is any sort of revelation to me; obviously I know there are tons of people who are fucked-up about relationships, myself included. It was just the shock of being confronted so blatantly with that information, you know? Like when you get a shitty haircut, and you manage to forget about it until you pass a mirror and are reminded of what a freak you look like. Sometimes, when you’re down in the muck and mire of the dating world, you feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground, forgetting that everyone else is just as clueless as you are. So I guess, in a way, seeing all those titles promising “8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate” and “10 Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever,” actually made me feel a little better about myself – it’s a reminder that I’m not the only one out there who feels like she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing when it comes to romance.
So, the question is, do any of these books actually help? Well, I guess that’s debatable. I’ll cop to reading a few here and there, notably He’s Just Not That Into You (which modern woman hasn’t read that?) and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey (which I just discovered there is a female rebuttal to: Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman. Add to Wish List!) and while the information in those books has been eye-opening, insightful and er, helpful, it’s always easier said than done. I think my problem with self-help books is that I’m the type of person who is hell-bent on making her own mistakes; it is damn near impossible to tell me anything for my own good. So while I may read a book, say to myself, “Wow, that’s smart, I should do that,” there’s only a 50% chance I will actually follow the advice when the situation arises. Also, I think reading self-help books can be a slippery slope. Since there’s (obviously) so many of them out there, you could spend your whole life reading advice and anecdotes, and never have time for anything else. Not to mention that fact that I’m sure some of the books out there give conflicting advice that could end up making the reader more confused. In the end, the information in self-help books is usually worth considering, but shouldn’t be taken too seriously. I heard a great quote recently: “There are four things a woman should always listen to: her head, her heart, her gut and her groin.” Now that is advice worth taking.
Kristen’s Top 10 List of Self-Help Dating Books that Actually Exist:
1. Why Men Love Bitches – From Doormat to Dreamgirl by Sherry Argov
2. How to Approach Hot Women, Date Them & Have Lots of Sex…Without Being an Asshole by Cooper Newman
3. You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman’s Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want by Jess McCann
4. The Mack Within by Tariq Nasheed
5. Wood Nymph Seeks Centaur: A Mythological Dating Guide by Francesca Lia Block
6. Get Serious About Getting Married: 365 Proven Ways to Find Love in Less Than a Year by Janis Spindel and Karen Kelly
7. Fifty Dates Worse Than Yours by Justin Racz
8. Complete Asshole’s Guide to Handling Chicks by Dan Indante and Karl Hicks (for the description alone)
9. Before You Meet Prince Charming: A Guide to Radiant Purity by Sarah Mally (because the title made me LOL)
10. Millions of Women Are Waiting to Meet You by Sean Thomas (I actually did put this book on my wish list, because it sounds funny as hell – and I’m sure I can relate)
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