dating do’s and don’t's part 5: advice in general

Well folks, it’s been quite a week. We’ve talking about first dates, phone etiquette, online dating, and sex, but today I wanted to leave with the gentlemen with a few pieces of general advice to guide them through the sometimes hazardous waters of the dating pool. While nothing can guarantee romantic success, following these tips will at least ensure that fewer women will be throwing darts at your picture or bashing you mercilessly to her friends during Happy Hour. Good luck!

1. Please remember that in the early stages of dating, everything you do sends a message. Most girls will try to keep an open mind and not be judgmental, but with little information to go on about you as a person, every word or action takes on a greater significance, so bear that in mind.
2. Everyone’s sense of humor is different, so until you know that the person you’re dating is cool with offensive, off-color humor, you probably want to lay off the racial, sexual, non-PC jokes.
3. Don’t ask a girl what her bra size is within your first ten minutes of talking to her.
4. Don’t play games. Be straight-forward and honest; if you’re interested in a girl, let her know. If you’re not, politely and respectfully tell her. Save the games for the field, court or TV.
5. Don’t lie, even if you’re only doing it to “protect” the girl. Not only will she find out, she’ll be twice as furious as she would have been if you had just told her the truth from the start.
6. Do not compare the girl you are currently seeing to an ex. It is never appropriate or proper etiquette to throw her name around loosely during conversation.
7. Never end a break-up conversation with the phrase “…but I’d like it if we could still be friends.” Even if you really mean it, the moment after rejecting a girl is not the time to say it. It does not soften the blow, and only adds insult to injury. Wait until the girl stops wanting to rip out your jugular, and then broach the subject of being friends.
8. If you are in the early stages of dating a girl (i.e. are not officially in an exclusive, committed relationship) and she breaks it off, you are entitled to have your say in a polite, respectful manner. Do not become whiney, emo, nasty, antagonistic, disrespectful, stalker-ish, or, under any circumstances, cry.
9. Recognize when it’s time to admit defeat. Calling or texting a girl two weeks (or two months) after she’s stopped communicating with you will not convince her that you’re persistent and really into her; it will convince her that you’re annoying, pathetic and possibly a stalker.
10. At the end of the day, above all else, do not be the type of guy a girl has to share her box of tampons with. Nobody’s saying you have to be a closed-off emotional cripple; sharing feelings is great and an important component of a successful relationship, but one of the reasons women love men is because you’re strong, assertive, rational and supportive. Showing a softer side once in awhile is fine, but one pussy per relationship is quite enough.

i get by with a little help from my friends

God bless friends.  How would we ever survive without them?  Just when you think you’re about to fall over the edge into the black abyss of your own neuroses, your friends are the ones who pull you back and save you with gems like this:

“Don’t think future and don’t think past – live in the now.”

How Zen is that?  Sure, maybe it’s easier said than done, but you have to admit, that is some pretty damn good advice – for love, life and general well-being.  As my good deed for the day, I am passing it along to all of you.  Go forth, my little Buddhas, and live happily in the here and now.  (Damn, I need sleep badly.)

tongue tied

Ugh.  Hanging out on Broad Street at 12:30 a.m. to celebrate the Phillies’ impending trip to the World Series seemed like a great idea last night…today, not so much.  (I’m not even hungover, just tired.) That, combined with the fact that I bludgeoned a small, cute, defenseless  – but highly annoying  – rodent to death with my Chucks this morning has made it an interesting day thus far.

Date number three with Mr. Smooth Operator is tomorrow night, and I’m trying to be positive about it, if not because I believe this guy is my soulmate, but because he has enough potential to deserve a fighting chance.  In thinking about it, I guess I see this guy as a “project” – you know, one of those guys who needs to be saved, in this case from his habits of trying desperately to impress me and make me his girlfriend.  I can’t help but feel like I want to sit him down and say, “Look buddy, this is what you need to STOP doing, and this is what you need to START doing in order to get a girl.”  Not as a date, or a potential partner, or anything like that,  but as someone with insight into the female brain, which this guy desperately needs (which a lot of men desperately need, come to think of it.)

But – is it my place to do that?  I’ve only been on three dates with the guy; I don’t owe him anything.  Maybe he should figure it out for himself, like the rest of us.  And, when it comes to guys, the last thing I’m looking for right now is a project.  At this point in my life, if I’m going to be seeing a guy, it has to be low-key, low-stress and fun.  I’m taking a break from the fixer-uppers for awhile.  Furthermore, how do you  politely broach a subject like this?

I asked my friend Stefan about it, and he said, if there is a point in our date when he starts trying too hard, I should say, “Stop trying so hard and just be yourself.  You’re a lot more fun that way.”  Sound advice, but it’s easier said than done.  I highly doubt this guy, with his dog-with-a-bone-esque tendencies, will let it go at that.  How do you tell someone that he’s flawed without coming off as judgmental and mean?  I’ll be honest, I am not the most tactful person in the world, and I worry about saying something unintentionally that will end up hurting his feelings.  And how do I know he even wants my advice?  I don’t want to bruise his masculine pride or anything.

Guys, what do you think?  If you were doing something that was hurting your chances of snagging a lady, would you want her to be upfront and honest and tell you about it?  How would you want her to do it?  My date’s tomorrow night, so any information would certainly be helpful!  I think the plan is to go to a BYOB in the city.  Maybe I should bring two bottles of wine…