I spent this New Year’s Eve with an assortment of friends, among them Adam and Drew, friends of mine who were visiting from out of town (it wasn’t quite as impressive as the octo-date, but I did feel pretty pimp arriving everywhere flanked by young attractive men).
On Friday night, as the three of us were walking down South Street to meet up with a group of friends for dinner, we noticed a gaggle of girls, about our age or a little younger, shivering and slipping as they navigated the slushy streets wearing only sparkly strapless mini-dresses and stiletto heels, with nary a coat or hat or scarf, because they apparently forgot that it’s December and it’s the Northeast and it’s fucking freezing.
I remembered that Drew had written a comment on Facebook last month (or last year, as it were) wondering why women seemed to lose all common sense in the face of a night out on the town, shunning the unattractive “warm jacket and sensible shoes” look for the clearly more alluring “hypothermia and headlights” look.
“Hey Drew,” I said as the gaggle hobbled past us, “aren’t those the girls you wrote about on Facebook?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Why do women do that?” Then, answering his own question like any red-blooded 25-year-old man would: “I mean, at least they’re easy targets.”
Then Adam, sagely: “Look at lions. They don’t go after the healthy gazelles. They go after the diseased ones that can’t outrun them. That’s what those girls are like – diseased gazelles.”
Thus inspired, I decreed that henceforth, all stupid bitches who run around in skimpy clothes in the dead of winter, explicitly offering themselves up as easy prey for an easy lay, shall be known as diseased gazelles, and furthermore, did my best to popularize said terminology by pointing them out (often rather loudly) as we scampered around Philly the rest of the weekend. (And in case you were wondering, the male equivalent of a diseased gazelle is the guy wearing a popped collar or Ed Hardy (or both), lots of bling, a backwards baseball cap, and a spray tan).
Anyway, I really feel like this phrase could catch on, and really help me leave my mark on pop culture in 2011. I mean, I’m already off to a good start – I had two dates for New Year’s Eve, and that was with me wearing a coat and sensible shoes.
Happy New Year, everyone!
kristenm129
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