As you know, I often borrow (steal) stories from my friends’ personal lives to recount (exploit) in the pages of Miss Right Now. Sometimes, though, my friends willingly give me (insist that I write about) their dating trials and triumphs, which makes my job a hell of a lot easier.
Here is one such story from your friend and mine, Ang Freakin’ Brockman:
Since the beginning of this year, Ang was sort-of dating an old high school friend of hers, whom we’ll call Pinkie (for reasons that may or may not be related to his penis). Pinkie had recently graduated from college and returned to his hometown, near the area where Ang works. To give you the Reader’s Digest version of what happened over the course of about 9 months or so, as Ang and Pinkie hung out more, Ang developed feelings for him, and wanted to turn their relationship into something more serious. Pinkie resisted, with a litany of excuses, both verbalized and implied – he was working long hours and didn’t have the time, he didn’t feel he would be able to provide financially for a girlfriend, his life was too unstable because he had just graduated and had no permanent living situation, hanging out with friends and visiting his old college were a bigger priority than spending time with Ang, he still wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend, etc.
Yet he still acted very flirtatious with Ang when they were together, holding her hand, paying for her dinner or movie tickets, kissing her. Fed up with his mixed signals, Ang finally told him to she had had enough, and if he wasn’t willing to take the next step with her, then they needed to go back to being just friends. Pinkie agreed, albeit somewhat reluctantly and bitchily. After a few weeks, Ang had a change of heart, and decided that even if Pinkie wasn’t willing to commit to a relationship, there was no harm in continuing to date him casually, while keeping her options open.
Ang was going to tell Pinkie this over dinner a few weeks ago, but she never got the chance. Before she could bring up the subject, Pinkie decided to drop a bomb of his own – the week before, he had gone on a date with a new girl and she “turned his world upside down.” He went on to say that he “never felt this way about any girl before,” and that he couldn’t date Ang anymore because he and this Wonder Woman were going to be exclusive.
I wasn’t there when this all went down, obviously, but in my mind, it goes something like this: Pinkie tells Ang this news, she sits there quietly for a few moments, as her skin turns green and her veins start to pop and her muscles expands and she goes Incredible Hulk on Pinkie, jumping over the table and ripping his face off for being a complete dick.
She didn’t, of course, but she was PISSED. And disappointed, hurt, discouraged… Needless to say, it was not a good weekend for Ang Freakin’ Brockman.
Now, Pinkie’s problem is that he made two very amateur mistakes here. (Imagine me saying the following in the style of football commentating great John Maddon):
Mistake #1: Overcompensation – A classic mistake. Pinkie knew that what he had to tell Ang was going to upset her greatly, so he thought taking her out to dinner and saying it in person would soften the blow. Wrong! Making a woman shave her legs, carefully select an outfit, do her hair and put on make-up just to be dumped only adds insult to injury. No woman wants to sit there uncomfortably in pantyhose, stuffing half-congealed pasta in her mouth and staring at your ugly face while making awkward small talk after you’ve just given her the “It’s not you, it’s me” routine. For future reference, this is a situation in which a phone call is perfectly appropriate, if not a downright necessity. She doesn’t have to make herself all fabulous and pretty to be given her walking papers, she doesn’t have to worry about causing a scene if she wants to scream her face off at you, and the wine and Ben & Jerry’s is that much more accessible when she tells you to fuck off and hangs up.
Mistake #2: Evasive maneuvers – For all the reasons Pinkie gave Ang for not being able to be in a relationship with her – lack of time, money, stability, etc. – he failed to give her the only honest, accurate reason – he’s just not that into her. Until the bitter end, he insisted that it was everything else under the sun that kept them from being together, except him and his lack of romantic feelings towards her. But actions speak louder than words, and when you declare your commitment to a girl you met a week ago after insisting for months to the other girl you’re dating that you’re j not ready for a relationship, that can only mean one thing. While it would have still been disappointing for Ang, It would have been much more expeditious and much less insulting, if Pinkie admitted from the get-go that their relationship was going nowhere. Guys, remember that.
I am happy to report that Ang is bouncing back nicely. Now that she doesn’t have to worry about Pinkie and his never-ending drama, she can focus on more interesting life pursuits, like moving to Philly (yay!) and finding a guy who doesn’t sleep on his mom’s couch. So there is a silver lining on every cloud.
kristenm129
