dating do’s and don’t's pt. 3: sexual behavior and physical appearance

In honor of it being 6/9 and Hump Day (although this is pure coincidence and I didn’t plan for this at all) today’s Do’s and Don’t's list covers the sticky (ahem) subjects of Sexual Behavior and Physical Appearance. Enjoy!

1. Do not EVER ask a girl during your first sexual encounter with her if you can have sex without a condom.  Furthermore, don’t try to trick the girl by sticking it in without a condom.
2. If you’ve just begun sleeping with a girl, don’t automatically assume you’re spending the night. Wait for an invitation before you start asking her what you’re having for breakfast.
3. Never ask a girl to spend the night on your couch or in another bedroom. Either invite her to spend the night or don’t. Anything in between is just insulting.
4. Don’t put your finger up a girl’s butthole.  We don’t know who told you this was a good idea, but it’s not.
5.  When having sex with a girl for the first time, it’s natural to want to put your best foot forward and impress her. This does not mean, however, that you need to try every move in the Kama Sutra on the first night. Having sex with a new person is awkward enough without trying to spin around on your head blindfolded while saying the ABC’s backwards.
6.  If you are deemed a bad kisser, do not expect another date. Practice on your hand, your pillow, whatever; by the time you’re an adult, you should know how to plant a decent kiss on a girl.
7. Don’t ask a girl to compare the size of your junk to that of her sex toys and/or past lovers.
8. Dry humping ceased to be acceptable when you graduated high school.
9.  Don’t have moobs. We understand that everybody’s body type is different, and no one is perfect, but your tits should not be bigger than your lady friend’s. Sorry.
10. Taking pride in your personal appearance is important, but don’t ever stop a girl in the middle of a romantic rendezvous to tell her “Don’t mess up my hair.”

Come back tomorrow for advice on the wonderful world of online dating!